Four Things your church consultant doesn’t want to hear you say.

The Church Revitalization Podcast – Episode 273

Church consultants often encounter certain phrases that reveal deeper issues within a congregation’s culture and mindset. Here are four common statements that raise red flags and why they deserve closer examination:

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1. “Everybody says we’re the friendliest church they’ve visited”

This well-intentioned statement often masks several underlying issues. First, “everybody” typically means “everybody who stayed.” Those who didn’t return might have had a very different experience. Second, being “friendly” is an ill-defined metric – what does it actually mean beyond basic courtesy? Most importantly, even if true, friendliness alone doesn’t necessarily translate to discipleship or spiritual growth.

Rather than resting on the laurels of being “friendly,” churches should focus on measuring meaningful engagement and spiritual transformation in their congregation. Surface-level hospitality, while important, shouldn’t be confused with genuine community and discipleship.

2. “People leave other churches and come here to heal”

While church hurt is real and people do need healing, this statement often implies a problematic approach to ministry. Many churches use this as justification for keeping newcomers in a passive, disengaged state – allowing them to “sit in the back” indefinitely without expectations or involvement.

However, biblical examples consistently show that healing comes through engagement, not isolation. From the woman at the well to Elijah’s encounter with God, scripture demonstrates that authentic healing occurs within community and through active participation in the body of Christ. Churches should create pathways for wounded people to engage meaningfully while healing, rather than enabling indefinite disengagement.

3. “Half the church would probably leave if we…”

This conversation-stopping phrase typically emerges when change is proposed. It’s often an exaggeration that reflects either fear of change or an unwillingness to have difficult discussions about necessary transitions.

Instead of making sweeping assumptions about mass exodus, leadership teams should:

  • Evaluate the actual scope of potential pushback
  • Consider whether the proposed change’s benefits outweigh the challenges
  • Develop strategic approaches to implementing necessary changes
  • Focus on clear communication and bringing people along in the process

4. “We can’t get people to meet every month”

This statement often surfaces during the implementation phases of church initiatives and reveals potential leadership issues. Success in church revitalization requires consistent engagement and follow-through, which means regular meetings are essential.

To address this challenge:

  • Set clear expectations from the beginning
  • Establish fixed meeting times that people can plan around
  • Help key leaders prioritize these commitments by reducing other responsibilities
  • Remember that not every team member needs to attend every meeting
  • Focus on creating a compelling vision that motivates participation

Moving Forward

These phrases often indicate deeper cultural or leadership challenges within a church. Rather than accepting them at face value, church leaders should examine the underlying assumptions and work to address root causes. This might involve challenging comfortable narratives, setting clearer expectations, or developing more effective leadership approaches.

The path to church health requires honest assessment and willingness to move beyond surface-level observations to meaningful action. By recognizing and addressing these common pitfalls, churches can better position themselves for authentic growth and effective ministry.

Watch this episode on YouTube!



A.J. Mathieu is the President of the Malphurs Group. He is passionate about helping churches thrive and travels internationally to teach and train pastors to lead healthy disciple-making churches. A.J. lives in the Ft. Worth, Texas area, enjoys the outdoors, and loves spending time with his wife and two sons. Click here to email A.J.


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